Sports

 We have officially entered the years of parenting when "other kids parents cause drama at YOUR kid's sporting event". And let me tell you what, these are wild times.  Like Wild Wild West wild times.  We are all in this together and then your opponent enters the scene and you aren't quite sure which one will shoot at you first but you have heard the horror stories that someone will shoot first so you know it's coming and even though you are ready, you AREN'T ready.

I signed up to coach Harper and Ellie's basketball rec team this season.  It was truly a blast.  Our last game of the season was postponed due to weather until today.  We played at Eastern Montgomery Elementary.  This is a team we have already played and we won.  I know I have much to learn as a coach and could have handled this somewhat differently, but I still can't get over what was said at the end of the game. 

All of our team was there, but two of the 8 had casts on their wrists, so we had 6 players that could play.  Diem is tall and can rebound and score, and she's mostly why we win games.  She sat the entire second quarter, and we still ended up winning 28-8.  During the 4th quarter, she scored 3 or 4 baskets, and Michael looked at me and said "get her out".  I said to Coach Dionne, my assistant and Diem's mom, Michael said we need to take Diem out.  She said, "oh gosh I was giving Adam a hard time about this at one of his games (Diem's dad) because he didn't take out his best scorer and here I am doing the same thing".  I sent Harper to get her out and end up having to call a time out just to sub her out.  As we were shaking hands after the game, I fist bump their head coach ( a guy), turn to walk back to our bench and hear him mutter under his breath "way to run up the score coach".  I asked Dionne, "did he really just say way to run up the score coach under his breath?" I truly was questioning if I heard it right.  She said she didn't hear it but it wouldn't surprise her one bit because East Mont is like that, for there was an actual fist fight at one of the rec games of her 10 year old son there.  

Could I have taken her out sooner? Yes.  Do I regret not? No, not really.  Why should she lose playing time, after sitting an entire quarter, just because she can score? Michael made me feel much better about it saying, "when you sign up for this, you have to be prepared to get your butt kicked", "maybe you should teach your team how to make a layup", and "he's probably butt hurt he lost to a girl" (LOL I love him).  But he said that Diem shouldn't be penalized, and I agree with him.  

Anyways, this was a stage I knew was coming but I was not at all prepared for it today.  In the words of Meredith Marks, "I'm disengaging" might become my new slogan.  Or Patrick suggested to say in return, "what was the intent of you saying that?"  Dad reminded me he worked in Shawsville for many years, and "it's a rough crowd".  So, here's to many more butt-hurt parents in rec league that I will try to be prepared for.  I really had a fun time coaching our girls and this group, and will grow as a coach and try to not run up the score too high next season :) 

 

Time is a Thief

Time you are a thief,
This I know is true.
How do I soak it all in?
Knowing there's no escaping you.

I took Ellie's picture for her last day of Parent Morning Out yesterday, and Harper's picture for her last day of preschool today, and have been thinking about how fast this year of "school" has gone by ever since.  In fact, it's all I have been able to think about all day.  How did this year go by so quickly? Have I enjoyed each day enough? Will every year of school go by this quickly?

We got home from picking up Harper from preschool and I put on the new episode of Daniel Tiger for them to watch while I fix their lunches.  While in the kitchen, I heard Daniel sing "Enjoy the wow, that's happening now".  Daniel was so focused on all of the other popsicle flavors, that the one in his hand started to melt. Daniel, I HEAR you. Your one statement has answered all of the questions I keep asking myself.  I love the messages the show teaches my girls, but more times than not, the messages being taught to my little ones are getting through to me too.

Stop overthinking how time has gone so quickly, stop questioning if you did enough, stop wondering about time in the future, and just enjoy the NOW.  Enjoy the things right in front of you that make you say "wow".  Thanks for the reminder, Daniel Tiger.

Hello 2017

Here it is. It's the year 2017.

This is a big year. How can that be, you ask? In the year 2016, we did just about every "adult" thing one can do. We had a baby. We bought a car (the Toyota Camry wasn't going to cut it for our growing family). We decided if we were going to buy a car (2016 Toyota Highlander that I LOVE), we definitely wouldn't buy a house. Then we bought a house. The funny thing about that is we did SO much car research, test drove a few options and still didn't make a decision on a car before Ellie arrived; we saw the house once and put an offer on it the next day. We bought a John Deere riding lawn mower for our the almost acre of land at our new house, and have gone to Home Depot at least twice a month since we moved in.  We completed our first home project, which was tearing up all of the existing landscaping in front of the house, replacing it with new, shorter plants that would not grow as tall, and installed decorative rock instead of mulch.  Whew.  After accomplishing all of that in 2016, it does seem a bit silly to say 2017 will be a "big year".

This year is a big year for a very different reason, and it's not that this is the last year I will spend in my 20s (though that is pretty huge and slightly depressing). This April marks the 10 year anniversary of mom passing. Ten. Years. An entire decade spent without my mother. All of my adult life up to this point spent without my mother. She didn't see me grow as a person throughout college, graduate from Virginia Tech with a Bachelor's of Science degree in HNFE then decide to take a completely different career path and attend VCU for teaching. She didn't see me graduate with a Master of Teaching degree.  She missed our engagement (which ironically enough happened on the date of my parents wedding anniversary).  She wasn't here to help me plan for a wedding, and she missed seeing her first daughter as a bride. She missed us moving to the town she grew up in for Michael's first division one head coaching position.  She's missed three seasons of Radford Women's basketball (which she would have absolutely loved coming to). She wasn't here when I got pregnant with Harper to tell me I can be a mom and will be a great mom just like she was. She missed the birth of both of our wonderful children and the chance to brag about her beautiful grandbabies.  She missed all of the amazing things we accomplished last year.  And it sucks. It still sucks. Ten years later, I still struggle with it. I struggle for multiple reasons. I want my girls to know what an amazing woman their grandmother is. I want them to understand why I am as strong as I am. I struggle because with her not here, the only grandparent they have from my side of the family is my dad. He is a wonderful, sweet man who was a great provider for us. But there are times when he doesn't do things I think a grandparent would be happy to do, and I think to myself how lucky he is to know his grandchildren because mom never got the chance to, and then think how different it would be if she were here. She would be the best grandmother and I know Harper and Ellie would love spending time with grandma Jojo just as much as she would enjoy spending time with them.

It's also really hard to be a parent.  Now being a parent, I know just how much work goes into raising children.  I feel like I have worked so hard, and Harper isn't even 2.5 years old.  Mom worked REALLY hard to get the three of us to where we were when she left us.  And I hate she isn't here to witness all of her hard work pay off and see just what we have become, and get the chance to finally "be friends" with her kids.  I can't help but feel green with envy seeing my friends doing fun adult things like shopping, going on trips, or just spending time with their mom (thanks social media) and just wonder what that feels like.  Although I do have to say, I am very lucky to have amazing aunts who I can experience things like that with, but it's just not the same.

When I think about the past 10 years and how I have made it without her, I realize how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life.  I was a freshman in college when she passed.  College is a time when people really start to figure out who they are on their own, and may think they still don't need that parental guidance, but they do.  I didn't have that, and at times I was an emotional mess.  I had the BEST friends and roommates who couldn't truly understand what I was going through but they didn't even try; the only thing I needed and the only thing they did was love me on my good days and my bad.  There were times I know I wasn't very nice to them.  But they loved me anyways.  There were times I was envious of their families and their relationships with their mothers, and they loved me anyways and even brought me closer, inviting me home with them for the holidays.  There were times I tried new things just trying to figure out who I was, and they supported me and always had my back but never let me stray too far.  Losing my mother at age 19 was a terrible thing to experience, but I will forever be grateful for those around me who helped me through those good days and bad.  And I know I wouldn't be where I am in life without those people in my life, for not only did they support me then, but continue to support me and even send flowers on the anniversary of her passing every year to let me know they always have my back.

I owe a big thank you to all of my family and friends for loving me through it all.  Let's do this 2017.

** Edited after crying through an episode of This Is Us-May we all continue to make something resembling lemonade with even the sourest of lemons life has to offer. I love and miss you Jojo.

Harper Goes to School

Harper has her first day of school tomorrow. Now when I say school, I'm actually referring to Parent Morning Out, or as all the moms call it, PMO. The conversation about PMO came up last winter during my MOPS group, when the abbreviation was thrown around lightly like this term PMO was common knowledge. Of course I had no clue what it was, and the moms in my group told me it was a three-hour "preschool", where you could drop your child off one, two, three, or four mornings during the week. Michael and I talked about it, and thought it would be a good thing for Harper to attend once a week. That way, she could socialize with some other children her age and get comfortable with adults other than mommy. Plus, we knew Ellie would join our family in May, and it would be much easier for me to have a morning with just one kid to try to get errands done. 

Fast forward to August 18th, Harper's second birthday, and we attended a play date on the playground where she will attend PMO to meet her teachers and other kids in her class. The teachers all have had experience in a classroom, they all were very sweet, and they are all moms (which helps knowing they have all experienced toddler life). They took the time to get to know us and tell us what Harper's day will be like. She will go in, wash her hands, play, have a snack, do a craft, play on the playground, maybe hear a story or two, and play some more until she gets picked up. Before we left, we made sure to walk inside to see the classroom, and Harper didn't want to leave! There were toys everywhere, which is quite the upgrade from our house, where she does have toys, but mainly sticks to playing with the recycling. 

Now, it's the night before her first day, and here come ALL THE FEELS. 

I'm excited for her-SHE'S excited for "school" (which sounds more like 'cool' when she says it) and can't wait to play with "kids!" I'm excited for her to have new experiences without me, and at the same time, it's a weird feeling knowing she will experience and learn new things without me and I won't be there to guide her and teach her. 

I'm nervous-will she cry? Will she listen to the teachers? Will she follow directions? Will she play nice with the other kids? Will the teachers be able to understand what she's trying to say? Will she poop, and then embarrass us by telling them she has a "big dump" (daddy taught her to say that over the weekend-it is funny how her cute little 2 year old voice says it, and I do love my husband, but really honey?)

I'm terrified-for two years, her and I have been attached to the hip. We have only had family members watch her, and typically not for longer than 2 hours. Now at MOPS, she does go downstairs to the nursery, but I'm still there, just upstairs, and can tend to her if she needs me. This time, we will be dropping her off and trusting three adults to care for and be completely responsible for our little girl (I'm actually tearing up as I type this). Is she ready to be on her own? Am I ready for her to be on her own? 

I'm OK-with my experience as a teacher, I know how teachers look at their students as "my kids", and you love and care for them as if they were your own. I know they will do their best to teach Harper how to share, how to get along with other kids, and how to listen to and respect adults other than mom and dad. 

I'm comforted-knowing Harper has a very special guardian angel, Grandma Jojo (now I'm actually crying typing this) who will continue to watch over our baby girl, even when she isn't with us.  

Harper will have an awesome first day of school, and I will be OK too. 

 

*Update* Before we even made it into the classroom this morning, we could hear kids crying. Harper looked slightly alarmed and grabbed my hand as we walked in the room. I signed her in, put Ellie down, and we went to wash Harper's hands. After we washed and dried her hands, she just walked away and went to play. She had her finger in her mouth as she turned to look at me one last time (she does that when she's nervous), I waved and said bye, and she turned to play. I quickly walked out before either one of us could start crying. I had some plans this morning that kept me busy, but I still thought of her all morning long. Michael even sent me a "How are you?" text, just to check in. He couldn't stop thinking about her all morning either. 

When Ellie and I walked in to pick her up, she was sitting at a table with a teacher and two boys playing with toys. Harper didn't see me or hear the teacher tell me how awesome she was! I had to bend down to get in her line of view, waved, and said, "Hi Harper!".  She looked at me and said, "Hi", and kept playing. I looked at the teacher and said, "Great, I have the kid who doesn't want to leave". We both agreed it was a good thing to have THAT kid, and my heart is full knowing she was fine and seemed to enjoy herself at school!  

Hard to believe

It's hard to believe we have two kids under the age of two, but we do. Harper will be 2 in less than two weeks, and Ellie is now three months old. 

What's even harder to believe is we saw a house on Wednesday, and Thursday put in an offer that was accepted that evening! It took us MONTHS to decide on which family vehicle we would purchase, and basically 24 hours to buy a house. But when you know, you know! 

And possibly the hardest thing to believe is I decided to take both children to the bank with me to discuss a mortgage. Now, I have never purchased a home, and just started to understand the terms principle and interest because of the two car payments we have recently made. Needless to say, I'm a newbie to the world of loans and bank vocabulary. But, I told Michael I would email the loan woman at Suntrust and see what information I could get as far as our options go. She promptly emailed me back this morning and suggested I come into the bank to discuss it. I warned her that I would have the kids with me and she said that's fine, I have a door we can shut if we need to. My plan was to carry Ellie in (hopefully sleeping) in her car seat carrier, and let Harper walk in and (hopefully) sit either in the chair or on the floor. As I was packing the diaper bag, I thought about what to bring to keep Harper occupied. I decided on a notebook, a pen, 2 crayons, a few books, her play money, and of course a bag of goldfish. I figured the notebook is what we would start out with, seeing as how the day before she sat so nicely in Michael's office "taking notes" during a meeting about camp. 

Before we even arrived at the bank, I explained to Harper that we were going to go to the bank first, and then to Target (it is her favorite place on this earth). I explained that at the bank I needed her to sit in the chair and take notes for me like she did yesterday during daddy's meeting. I said ok? And she repeated "ok", but she repeats everything I say, so I didn't know if she really got anything I said at all. Once we got to her office, I got Harper sitting in the chair, handed her the notebook and pen, and told her I needed her to write her name and take notes. (Luckily Ellie fell asleep on the short drive over, so I didn't have to worry about her as this was her usual morning nap time). Harper wanted to set her notebook down on the desk (like mommy), so I scooted her closer to the desk to do so. 

Ok, this might actually be the hardest thing of all to believe. I was there an hour, and my almost two year old never got out of that chair. Throughout the meeting I did add to her collection of things, giving her both crayons, which she eventually got stuck between the spirals of her little notebook, and the bag of goldfish, which she dropped on the floor and about 10 of them spilled out onto the floor (I picked them up without any getting crushed-a crushed goldfish is my worst nightmare), but it kept her occupied. I was able to discuss with this woman all of our options, she answered all of my questions and gave me a much better understanding of what all of the numbers mean and how she calculated them all. At the time, I just walked out of there feeling so educated, thanked the woman for helping me and went on our way. 

But now, reflecting on the day, I can't believe it went as well as it did, and I am one proud momma. I am proud of Harper for sitting there and entertaining herself so that I could focus my attention on the task at hand. I am proud of Ellie for staying asleep (let's be real, she's only 3 months old and still sleeps 75% of the time, I could pretty much bank on her being asleep). And I am proud of myself for having high expectations for the behavior of my almost 2 year old. 

So, still reflecting, what I have learned is: Being a mom is hard. Holding your kids accountable is hard. Not making excuses and setting those expectations high is hard. Being consistent with those expectations is hard. Setting the bar high, even when they are young is hard. After doing all of these things, sometimes, our kids will surprise us and rise up to those expectations, though, is it really that hard to believe?  

I cry just as much as my toddler

Everyone tells you toddlers are emotional, irrational tiny humans who cry at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason.  Guess what? Moms of toddlers who happen to be 35 weeks pregnant are the exact same way (pregnant or not, I still think I would be this way).  My husband left town for work Thursday night.  That same night, my sweet Harper cried and cried and only wanted mommy to snuggle her to sleep.  Then again at 2am, she cried and cried again.  Exhausted, I put her in bed with me to try to get her to snuggle and go to sleep.  She wanted to lay ON TOP of me and my 35 week pregnant belly, so needless to say, I didn't get much rest once she joined me in the bed.  I determined she wanted to snuggle with me because she is well aware our world is about to change with the addition of a new tiny human to our family.  But that didn't change the fact that I was exhausted and complained to my husband about how needy our 19 month old was being. 

Friday night, I decided to give in to her wanting to snuggle and just put her to bed with me.  Genius idea, right?  That way we could both sleep and she wouldn't scream at 2am for "mommmy!!"  This plan also backfired on me and still left me exhausted.  I must share the details about this night, because thinking about it now, it was quite comical.  Around 3am, she did wake up and wanted mommy.  Luckily I was right there to snuggle her and it seemed like she was going to fall right back to sleep.  Just when I thought her eyes were closing, her head quickly popped up and she started chatting away.  She spotted her Minnie Mouse cup sitting on the nightstand and said "wa-er, Min-nee".  I gave her the cup, and then she brought her fingers to her mouth and said "eeeee".  I made sure to give her a snack before bed, so I told her it was time to lay down and go to sleep.  Then she pointed to the pillows surrounding her, and I said those are pillows and that one is daddy's...she said "da-yee","pee-yo". When she heard "daddy", she must have been reminded of the pictures hanging behind our bed because she quickly stood up, pointed to the pictures, and said "da-yee" about 10 times.  Then, talking about daddy made her think about basketball, because she started pointing at the bedroom door saying "ba-ball" over and over again.  I told her basketball was not on tv and it was bedtime, then she tried "eeee" again, and I gave in and got her up to give her a snack.  She ate a cracker, I read her a story, and we tried to go to sleep again.  The whole process was repeated, and she was one chatty girl from 3-4am.  Exhausted, I gave up and put her in her crib.  She cried and cried for mommy.  Eventually, the crying stopped and I got up to check on her and make sure everything was OK (plus, I had to pee, AGAIN).  I could hear her sleepy breathing, so I knew she was asleep, but I still wanted to look at her before I went to sleep.  When I peaked into her room, I saw her standing up in her crib.  But she was asleep! Her hands were on the side of the bedrail, her head resting on her hands.  I didn't dare risk waking her by moving her, and figured she would eventually lay down to go to sleep.  Whew, what another exhausting night.

I did not want Saturday night to go the same way as the past two nights did. We had a very busy Saturday, and she was really tired by bedtime.  I didn't have to snuggle her long to get her to sleep, and luckily she did sleep through the night.  By Sunday, it seemed she was back to her normal routine of reading a book and getting put down in her crib awake to put herself to sleep.  But guess who after reading her a story only wanted to cuddle up, pull her close, and rock her until she fell asleep/hold her all night long? Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face as I cradled her in my arms; it seemed like she melted into my arms as we rocked, and my heart just couldn't take it.  It was so many feelings at once: how selfish I had been complaining about her wanting my attention, how much I really did love holding her close, even at 35 weeks pregnant, how she won't want me to rock her to sleep forever and I need to embrace it even if it's exhausting, how soon another baby will be here and our time with just the two of us was almost up, how much I love being her mom, and how lucky I am to have such a sweet, healthy, precious toddler whom I love more than words can describe.

I know my pregnant hormones are part to blame for the unexpected tears.  I didn't expect motherhood to be as emotional as it is, and pregnant or not, I expect the toddler-like-out-of-nowhere tears to continue...sorry Michael! :)

Love this little girl! 

Crying because the crayons are inside the crayon box

She doesn't yet realize these machines take money and become even more fun when they move :) 

Embarrassment for Two Please

I do clumsy or silly things from time to time, though I try to not embarrass myself.  But if I do, I can usually laugh it off and not feel too judged for whatever I just did.  After having a baby, there is a period of time where anything goes.  Oh, is that spit up on my shirt?  Poop? Did my baby just pee on you?  I'm sorry, she just entered the world yesterday.  People generally seem to give you a "pass" for possible embarrassing things that your baby might do.  But then you reach a point where you finally feel like you are a normal human again, and this "pass" may or may not still exist.  In my mind, my 14 month old and I should have it together by now, and I do actually get embarrassed by silly things she does.  This child can fart.  She is a petite little thing and only weighs about 20lbs.  It is shocking what sounds and smells she makes when she farts.  It has sounded like a motor boat, it has sounded like the eye of the thunderstorm is right over our heads, and it can stink up a room in a second.  So, picture yourself pushing a stroller around Target with your darling little 14 month old where people always say, "She's so small!", and out comes a fart similar to the roar of a lion.  You quickly look around to see who was in ear shot of the monstrous sound, and give a slight uncomfortable smile to anyone who was.  The best part about it all-I usually can't help but giggle when she does fart, so now whenever she does let one rip, she smiles and sometimes will giggle too.  It is adorable when it happens at home, but extremely embarrassing when it happens in out in public, mostly because I know all of the strangers are thinking it was me who let one sneak out in the middle of the store.
The other embarrassing thing that happened recently was hopefully only embarrassing in my mind.  Harper loves to pick things up from anywhere she can find them and leave them in a different place.  This time, it happened to be a purple, lacy pair of my underwear that ended up in the diaper bag.  It wouldn't have been a big deal if I wouldn't have left my diaper bag in the nursery at my MOPS group one morning.  Now, I have no idea if the pair of underwear was discovered by the sweet girls that watch the babies while the moms have time to ourselves in our meeting.  But how embarrassing is that if they did?? I didn't realize the underwear was in the bag until we got home later that day and was MORTIFIED.  Lesson learned: Your sweet baby might fart in public from time to time and there is nothing you can do to prevent that, but you can check your diaper bag for run away underwear before leaving the house.

So sneaky. 

Fart smile? :)