Harper Goes to School

Harper has her first day of school tomorrow. Now when I say school, I'm actually referring to Parent Morning Out, or as all the moms call it, PMO. The conversation about PMO came up last winter during my MOPS group, when the abbreviation was thrown around lightly like this term PMO was common knowledge. Of course I had no clue what it was, and the moms in my group told me it was a three-hour "preschool", where you could drop your child off one, two, three, or four mornings during the week. Michael and I talked about it, and thought it would be a good thing for Harper to attend once a week. That way, she could socialize with some other children her age and get comfortable with adults other than mommy. Plus, we knew Ellie would join our family in May, and it would be much easier for me to have a morning with just one kid to try to get errands done. 

Fast forward to August 18th, Harper's second birthday, and we attended a play date on the playground where she will attend PMO to meet her teachers and other kids in her class. The teachers all have had experience in a classroom, they all were very sweet, and they are all moms (which helps knowing they have all experienced toddler life). They took the time to get to know us and tell us what Harper's day will be like. She will go in, wash her hands, play, have a snack, do a craft, play on the playground, maybe hear a story or two, and play some more until she gets picked up. Before we left, we made sure to walk inside to see the classroom, and Harper didn't want to leave! There were toys everywhere, which is quite the upgrade from our house, where she does have toys, but mainly sticks to playing with the recycling. 

Now, it's the night before her first day, and here come ALL THE FEELS. 

I'm excited for her-SHE'S excited for "school" (which sounds more like 'cool' when she says it) and can't wait to play with "kids!" I'm excited for her to have new experiences without me, and at the same time, it's a weird feeling knowing she will experience and learn new things without me and I won't be there to guide her and teach her. 

I'm nervous-will she cry? Will she listen to the teachers? Will she follow directions? Will she play nice with the other kids? Will the teachers be able to understand what she's trying to say? Will she poop, and then embarrass us by telling them she has a "big dump" (daddy taught her to say that over the weekend-it is funny how her cute little 2 year old voice says it, and I do love my husband, but really honey?)

I'm terrified-for two years, her and I have been attached to the hip. We have only had family members watch her, and typically not for longer than 2 hours. Now at MOPS, she does go downstairs to the nursery, but I'm still there, just upstairs, and can tend to her if she needs me. This time, we will be dropping her off and trusting three adults to care for and be completely responsible for our little girl (I'm actually tearing up as I type this). Is she ready to be on her own? Am I ready for her to be on her own? 

I'm OK-with my experience as a teacher, I know how teachers look at their students as "my kids", and you love and care for them as if they were your own. I know they will do their best to teach Harper how to share, how to get along with other kids, and how to listen to and respect adults other than mom and dad. 

I'm comforted-knowing Harper has a very special guardian angel, Grandma Jojo (now I'm actually crying typing this) who will continue to watch over our baby girl, even when she isn't with us.  

Harper will have an awesome first day of school, and I will be OK too. 

 

*Update* Before we even made it into the classroom this morning, we could hear kids crying. Harper looked slightly alarmed and grabbed my hand as we walked in the room. I signed her in, put Ellie down, and we went to wash Harper's hands. After we washed and dried her hands, she just walked away and went to play. She had her finger in her mouth as she turned to look at me one last time (she does that when she's nervous), I waved and said bye, and she turned to play. I quickly walked out before either one of us could start crying. I had some plans this morning that kept me busy, but I still thought of her all morning long. Michael even sent me a "How are you?" text, just to check in. He couldn't stop thinking about her all morning either. 

When Ellie and I walked in to pick her up, she was sitting at a table with a teacher and two boys playing with toys. Harper didn't see me or hear the teacher tell me how awesome she was! I had to bend down to get in her line of view, waved, and said, "Hi Harper!".  She looked at me and said, "Hi", and kept playing. I looked at the teacher and said, "Great, I have the kid who doesn't want to leave". We both agreed it was a good thing to have THAT kid, and my heart is full knowing she was fine and seemed to enjoy herself at school!  

Hard to believe

It's hard to believe we have two kids under the age of two, but we do. Harper will be 2 in less than two weeks, and Ellie is now three months old. 

What's even harder to believe is we saw a house on Wednesday, and Thursday put in an offer that was accepted that evening! It took us MONTHS to decide on which family vehicle we would purchase, and basically 24 hours to buy a house. But when you know, you know! 

And possibly the hardest thing to believe is I decided to take both children to the bank with me to discuss a mortgage. Now, I have never purchased a home, and just started to understand the terms principle and interest because of the two car payments we have recently made. Needless to say, I'm a newbie to the world of loans and bank vocabulary. But, I told Michael I would email the loan woman at Suntrust and see what information I could get as far as our options go. She promptly emailed me back this morning and suggested I come into the bank to discuss it. I warned her that I would have the kids with me and she said that's fine, I have a door we can shut if we need to. My plan was to carry Ellie in (hopefully sleeping) in her car seat carrier, and let Harper walk in and (hopefully) sit either in the chair or on the floor. As I was packing the diaper bag, I thought about what to bring to keep Harper occupied. I decided on a notebook, a pen, 2 crayons, a few books, her play money, and of course a bag of goldfish. I figured the notebook is what we would start out with, seeing as how the day before she sat so nicely in Michael's office "taking notes" during a meeting about camp. 

Before we even arrived at the bank, I explained to Harper that we were going to go to the bank first, and then to Target (it is her favorite place on this earth). I explained that at the bank I needed her to sit in the chair and take notes for me like she did yesterday during daddy's meeting. I said ok? And she repeated "ok", but she repeats everything I say, so I didn't know if she really got anything I said at all. Once we got to her office, I got Harper sitting in the chair, handed her the notebook and pen, and told her I needed her to write her name and take notes. (Luckily Ellie fell asleep on the short drive over, so I didn't have to worry about her as this was her usual morning nap time). Harper wanted to set her notebook down on the desk (like mommy), so I scooted her closer to the desk to do so. 

Ok, this might actually be the hardest thing of all to believe. I was there an hour, and my almost two year old never got out of that chair. Throughout the meeting I did add to her collection of things, giving her both crayons, which she eventually got stuck between the spirals of her little notebook, and the bag of goldfish, which she dropped on the floor and about 10 of them spilled out onto the floor (I picked them up without any getting crushed-a crushed goldfish is my worst nightmare), but it kept her occupied. I was able to discuss with this woman all of our options, she answered all of my questions and gave me a much better understanding of what all of the numbers mean and how she calculated them all. At the time, I just walked out of there feeling so educated, thanked the woman for helping me and went on our way. 

But now, reflecting on the day, I can't believe it went as well as it did, and I am one proud momma. I am proud of Harper for sitting there and entertaining herself so that I could focus my attention on the task at hand. I am proud of Ellie for staying asleep (let's be real, she's only 3 months old and still sleeps 75% of the time, I could pretty much bank on her being asleep). And I am proud of myself for having high expectations for the behavior of my almost 2 year old. 

So, still reflecting, what I have learned is: Being a mom is hard. Holding your kids accountable is hard. Not making excuses and setting those expectations high is hard. Being consistent with those expectations is hard. Setting the bar high, even when they are young is hard. After doing all of these things, sometimes, our kids will surprise us and rise up to those expectations, though, is it really that hard to believe?  

I cry just as much as my toddler

Everyone tells you toddlers are emotional, irrational tiny humans who cry at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason.  Guess what? Moms of toddlers who happen to be 35 weeks pregnant are the exact same way (pregnant or not, I still think I would be this way).  My husband left town for work Thursday night.  That same night, my sweet Harper cried and cried and only wanted mommy to snuggle her to sleep.  Then again at 2am, she cried and cried again.  Exhausted, I put her in bed with me to try to get her to snuggle and go to sleep.  She wanted to lay ON TOP of me and my 35 week pregnant belly, so needless to say, I didn't get much rest once she joined me in the bed.  I determined she wanted to snuggle with me because she is well aware our world is about to change with the addition of a new tiny human to our family.  But that didn't change the fact that I was exhausted and complained to my husband about how needy our 19 month old was being. 

Friday night, I decided to give in to her wanting to snuggle and just put her to bed with me.  Genius idea, right?  That way we could both sleep and she wouldn't scream at 2am for "mommmy!!"  This plan also backfired on me and still left me exhausted.  I must share the details about this night, because thinking about it now, it was quite comical.  Around 3am, she did wake up and wanted mommy.  Luckily I was right there to snuggle her and it seemed like she was going to fall right back to sleep.  Just when I thought her eyes were closing, her head quickly popped up and she started chatting away.  She spotted her Minnie Mouse cup sitting on the nightstand and said "wa-er, Min-nee".  I gave her the cup, and then she brought her fingers to her mouth and said "eeeee".  I made sure to give her a snack before bed, so I told her it was time to lay down and go to sleep.  Then she pointed to the pillows surrounding her, and I said those are pillows and that one is daddy's...she said "da-yee","pee-yo". When she heard "daddy", she must have been reminded of the pictures hanging behind our bed because she quickly stood up, pointed to the pictures, and said "da-yee" about 10 times.  Then, talking about daddy made her think about basketball, because she started pointing at the bedroom door saying "ba-ball" over and over again.  I told her basketball was not on tv and it was bedtime, then she tried "eeee" again, and I gave in and got her up to give her a snack.  She ate a cracker, I read her a story, and we tried to go to sleep again.  The whole process was repeated, and she was one chatty girl from 3-4am.  Exhausted, I gave up and put her in her crib.  She cried and cried for mommy.  Eventually, the crying stopped and I got up to check on her and make sure everything was OK (plus, I had to pee, AGAIN).  I could hear her sleepy breathing, so I knew she was asleep, but I still wanted to look at her before I went to sleep.  When I peaked into her room, I saw her standing up in her crib.  But she was asleep! Her hands were on the side of the bedrail, her head resting on her hands.  I didn't dare risk waking her by moving her, and figured she would eventually lay down to go to sleep.  Whew, what another exhausting night.

I did not want Saturday night to go the same way as the past two nights did. We had a very busy Saturday, and she was really tired by bedtime.  I didn't have to snuggle her long to get her to sleep, and luckily she did sleep through the night.  By Sunday, it seemed she was back to her normal routine of reading a book and getting put down in her crib awake to put herself to sleep.  But guess who after reading her a story only wanted to cuddle up, pull her close, and rock her until she fell asleep/hold her all night long? Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face as I cradled her in my arms; it seemed like she melted into my arms as we rocked, and my heart just couldn't take it.  It was so many feelings at once: how selfish I had been complaining about her wanting my attention, how much I really did love holding her close, even at 35 weeks pregnant, how she won't want me to rock her to sleep forever and I need to embrace it even if it's exhausting, how soon another baby will be here and our time with just the two of us was almost up, how much I love being her mom, and how lucky I am to have such a sweet, healthy, precious toddler whom I love more than words can describe.

I know my pregnant hormones are part to blame for the unexpected tears.  I didn't expect motherhood to be as emotional as it is, and pregnant or not, I expect the toddler-like-out-of-nowhere tears to continue...sorry Michael! :)

Love this little girl! 

Crying because the crayons are inside the crayon box

She doesn't yet realize these machines take money and become even more fun when they move :)